


The Stork Manifesto

by caffeinatedCreep



Category: Unwind Dystology - Neal Shusterman
Genre: Alexius can also write without looking (messy though), Alexius can write really fast, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Humour as a coping mechanism, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Journal keeping, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Multi, On the Run, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV First Person, POV Original Character, Past Rape/Non-con, Polyamory, Present Tense, Running Away, Tags May Change, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Trigger warnings in summaries, Triggers also tagged, Writing as a coping mechanism, lots of snark, messy ass tags club, mlm author, trans author, transphobic language, use of slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2018-12-03 08:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11527968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinatedCreep/pseuds/caffeinatedCreep
Summary: Alexius was supposed to get out. He was supposed to get away from the juvie cops, and away from the camps, and away from the chop shops. He was supposed to drive off and go somewhere safe. He was supposed to be free. But Starkey ruined it all. He got involved and took Alexius away. There was nothing that would make up for it, not even getting to meet the one person who had brightened up the fearful and gloomy days in Alexius’s life. Because Hayden might be there right now, but there was no guarantee that he’d be there forever.





	1. Entry I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of a past rape, as well as a present rape attempt.**
> 
>  
> 
> There aren't a lot of places that are truly safe for someone outrunning unwinding. Until you've reached eighteen -- seventeen, now, and hopefully not changing -- you have to keep moving. But Alexius found himself unable to move much. The basement of Sonia's antique shop quickly became home, whether he liked it or not, because he was more helpful than most. He was her record keeper, and letting him go would make the process of taking in AWOLs slower again. But things are meant to change, no matter how good they may be. The world has to keep moving on.

I can’t remember what set off my “parents” originally. When I was little, I was a sweet and obedient kid. I told myself that I had to be; they’d been legally obligated to take me in, even if they didn’t want to.

When their snotty son pulled my hair, I kept quiet. When he stole my snacks, I kept quiet. Even when he cut up my clothes, I kept quiet. He was their flesh and blood, and I was just a burden.

But when he started sneaking into my room when I was thirteen, I wasn’t sure if the policy of silence would last. He was sixteen at the time, the age that I am now.

At first, he just sat and watched me. He seemed curious; I was his first glimpse into the “female” world, apart from his mother.

Then he started to lie on my bed. He didn’t touch me, simply laid next to me. And watched. He always watched.

But then he stopped just watching. He’d touch my hair, or my shoulder. If he was daring, he touched my thigh. I didn’t want to get in trouble, so I didn’t stop him.

I should have stopped him.

I can remember our “parents” rushing in when he’d done it. I hadn’t made any noise, but he was so green to the whole experience that he’d made my bed’s headboard bang into the wall. They’d been disgusted with one of us; I could never tell who.

I remember my “dad” tearing him off of me, eyes full of fierce anger trained on his son, and forcing him out of my room. He’d still had his boxers down around his ankles.

And I remember my “mom” fretting over the sheets, tugging them up to cover my body as she cried. I didn’t know why she cried. Was she upset that her son was a rapist? Or was she upset that her stork was putting him on the legal chopping block?

They demanded he be sent to jail, or else he was no longer their son. _They protected me. Stood up for me._ So why did they sign the paper? I was their son, then. I’d never been their daughter, but I would be their son.

Maybe that idea was sc-- The door’s opening, but Sonia isn’t coming down. Time to do my job, I guess.

Up the stairs, through the cellar door, and into the shop. Sonia waits for me to arrive so that I can help record information. There’s only one newbie today; a relief.

 

She’s writing her letter, now, but I can’t leave just yet. Gotta stay behind, make sure the letter is finished and that all the information is correct. Writing down any of the small talk going on around me isn’t worth it.

Oh, she’s done.

“Now be a dear and help her out with the others,” Sonia says, smiling warmly before shooing us into the cellar.

“My name is Anna,” the girl says, though there’s no point. I know her name. “Yours?”

“Alexius.” I can see her in the corner of my eye, trying to get a look at what I’m writing. Tilting it away from her, I make sure to send a pointed glare.

“What is that?” Clearly she can’t take a hint.

“A journal, of sorts.” Since I’ve got the knack for not only writing quickly, but writing well without looking, I decided that recording my misadventures as an AWOL would be both a time killer and an eventual historical phenomenon.

Just like Radio Free Hayden, and the Unwind Manifesto.

“How do you write like that?” A question I’ve heard every day that I’ve been on the run.

“I just do.” I’ve led her into the main area. Excuse me as my pen lifts.

 

I introduced her to the other AWOLs currently camped out, gesturing quite vaguely at them all. I never remember the name, mainly because I don’t care.

They get to leave, but Sonia is reluctant to send me away. I’m a huge help around here, apparently, even though all I do is take down names.

Now where did I stop?

Maybe that idea was scary. That I’d never been a girl, that they’d been raising a boy. That their son raped a boy.

Or maybe they were disgusted with me all along, but knew that their son deserved jail time.

Whatever their reasons, by the time the trial had been over, they’d signed the paper and I was supposed to be unwound. Unfortunately for them, I’m not one to give up so easily when my life is what’s at stake.

Finding out their plan had been the easiest part; they never did learn to keep their voices down. I overheard the date while trying to fall asleep, and had stayed up the rest of the night to think up a plan.

Running away is easy when your a stork. Running away as an AWOL is not. I’m still not sure how it all worked out, but I man--

The one with the poorly bleached hair just yelled, “Hey fag, c’mere!” As if calling me a slur will make me move any faster. I’m not going to stop writing; assholes like him deserve to be documented for future analysis. Once I’m close enough he says, “Your sissy boyfriend’s on again.” This kid’s still riding the dick of his parents’ money, even after they decided he wasn’t worth taking care of anymore.

He’s got his shiny, untraceable -- or so he claims -- laptop all out and open, some podcast pulled up. Last I knew, Radio Free Hayden was done and over with. He’d been arrested, then taken away by the Stork Brigade. Radio Free Hayden was dead.

And yet when he pressed play, my entire body froze at the familiar voice of Hayden Upchurch himself.

“Oh would you look at that. The bitch is tearing up.” If I didn’t value these journals so much I’d punch that kid. Just as I’d grown used to hearing Hayden again, he stopped the podcast and turned his laptop off. “Hope that little snippet gives you material for your little fantasies, you fucking fag.”

“I’ll make sure to get real detailed just for you.” I can’t wait to get away from these asshole kids. Little less than a year left until I can’t be unwound.

Just one goddamn year left.

 

I woke up awhile ago to the sound of paper rustling. The cellar was pitch black, but there was a flashlight on. It was way too close for comfort.

The bleached kid from earlier -- I’ll call him Justin, for now, since I don’t know his name -- was digging through my bag. As I watched him, making sure to keep from alerting him, he pulled my journal out. I was too curious of his intentions to realize I should’ve stopped him. This was a brand new journal; the first thing I’d written in here was about my “family.”

“No shit,” he’d breathed. “Why the hell would he watch you?” I knew he got to the worst of it when he practically started laughing. “You? Of all people?” He threw the journal onto my bag and swiveled the flashlight’s beam over to me. I couldn’t see him anymore, but I could hear and sense him just fine. “I wonder what it felt like…” He’d moved to straddle me, like he wanted to test out what my “brother” had done. I’d kneed him, snatching the flashlight as he tipped over, groaning and gripping at a dick he didn’t deserve.

“What the fuck is wrong with you.” If ever there was a time to describe my words as venomous, it was then.

And now the lights are on. Sonia took Justin upstairs -- who knows what she’s gonna do -- and the girls have all tried to console me.

“It’s not your fault.” She’s got warm brown eyes.

“He’ll get what he deserves.” Her hair is an odd mix of curls and waves.

“How about I’ve already been through it?” The looks on their faces was almost a form of entertainment in themselves, had it not been my own misfortune that caused them.

I can hear Sonia coming down the stairs, but it’s only her footsteps.

“I’m afraid Anthony will no longer be with us.” So that’s his name. The look on her face can only be described as sorrow and disappointment. I feel bad for just seeing her like that.  
“And I think it’s time that Alexius leaves as well.”

I-- What. She can’t just kick me out for being the near rape victim of some snot-nosed rich boy.

“He’s been here too long.”

That’s not for you to decide! She’s right and it’s true -- god is it the most truthful thing I’ve heard in years -- but still! I decide when to leave goddammit!

“Sometime this afternoon, people I trust very much will be here, and they’ve agreed to let him take their vehicle. I’m not sure where exactly he’ll be going. That’s all up to him.”

Oh. So I’ll be on my own again. Huh.

“Any goodbyes you have, I would say them now.”

Thanks Sonia, for ruining my peace and quiet and hopes for getting more sleep. Now their all acting like we’re best buddies.

Anna’s sidled up all nice and close (it isn’t actually nice) and she’s got a hand on my leg.

“I’ll miss you.”

“Honey, you don’t even know me.” How can someone looks so upset to hear the truth is my question for her. “And I wouldn’t suggest being thirsty for a gay boy.” She’s gotten up in anger, and all I can think is to pour more salt in the wound. I don’t. But it is indeed tempting.

Oh look, another one. He’s nice and tan and has pretty eyes and messy hair. He’s attractive. Not as attractive as my unrealistic ideal man, but still attractive.

“It’s too bad the only other queer kid here will be leaving.” The whole punched in my heart doesn’t hurt at all from that statement. In fact, what hole in my heart. My hand’s scribbling all of this on its own because wow he has pretty eyes and a great face. FUCK of course this beautiful boy is gay and I’m leaving, that’s just my luck. And is his face closer, yes it is. Are those lips brushing against mine, yes they are. “I’ll miss you.” What I wouldn’t do to stay just to share barely-there kisses and breathy words with this boy.

Though I wouldn’t be surprised if we eventually over, thanks to my trans-ness.

Such is my life.

“I already miss what could’ve been.” Was that smooth? Was I just smooth? And did he just chuckle because that was beautiful. His lips press just a tad bit closer and the urge to drop this stupid notebook and kiss him is so strong. Oh, he’s moving i--

 

Long story short I made out with a really hot AWOL the last few hours I had here at Sonia’s. And damn was it worth it. Magical eyes, magical lips, magical hands. Everything about him was magical.

He was even chill with me being trans. So win-win, really.

But it’s all for naught, because I’ve got less than thirty minutes before keys and dropped into my hand, my bag is tossed haphazardly into the passenger seat, and I hightail it to wherever the hell I want to go.

Kinda wish I could bring magic boy with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Laugh, laugh, laugh Hayden, because if you ever stop laughing, it might just tear you apart._
> 
>  
> 
> A fanfic from the good ol' days of freshman year when everything was shit, including myself. I'm revamping it and reimagining it because I still really like this idea.
> 
> Also self indulgent, but let's be real, all fanfiction is.


	2. Entry II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being on the run isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to stressful and scary, and even once you've stopped running, you'll never feel truly safe. Alexius knows this all too well, and knows that the more time he spends idle, the more his chances of being caught go up. But he can't leave Jae alone; he's young and terrified beyond his wits. Aster, however. Aster he could've left. He wasn't an AWOL, he was just some man who wanted out of a town and found a chance. But he was intriguing and entrancing and Alexius is weak to men with nice-sounding voices.

I have met plenty of people in my life. I’ve seen plenty of people in my life.

I never would’ve expected to recognize the faces of the people who gave me the keys. Some of the most wanted fugitives in the entire United States just casually handed over keys to a vehicle. A vehicle that is a means of escape. They gave them to me.

Obviously I’m not driving while I write this, and I’m sure they’ve already gotten another car commandeered to leave Sonia’s.

But I just can’t help but think that handing over something that represents escape is the most selfless thing an AWOL could ever do for someone, especially another AWOL. And it took me by surprise.

I should’ve stopped at a hotel, in hindsight, but I’ve found a fairly decent hiding spot for the night and I don’t want to risk anything.

God knows I’ve risked a lot already.

When I’d been driving, something about the so-called Stork Brigade came on the radio. Every time I hear about that radicalist Starkey’s newest move, I get sick to my stomach. He thinks he’s helping storks, but he’s making it harder for so many of them. Guardians of storks that haven’t been signed off for unwinding are becoming more and more suspicious of the kids, which only makes them more likely to sign the paper that would doom them.

He might be saving some, but he’s condemning others.

And he’s killing. There’s so much killing, and it’s all him. He might not have the blood directly on his own hands, but he’s responsible.

He’s not helping anyone in the long run, but he’s so blinded by the immediate results he can’t see the harm of it all.

There’s no way he’ll keep control over all those storks for too long. Someone’s going to get dissatisfied, and do exactly what he did to the Akron AWOL.

I just wonder exactly who that will be.

 

The sun’s been up for maybe an hour. I’m not sure where exactly I’m going, so I stopped in the parking lot of a convenience store to think things over.

I’m tempted to go inside and get something; I actually have money for once. But after Connor got kidnapped by that creep from Kansas, I’m not running the risk.

It’s not like anyone would actually recognize my face, but I’ve heard that AWOLs have this way about them when interacting with others. I’m not about to test that theory.

There’s a fast food place close by, I think, so I’ll probably stop by there. Less interaction means less recognition. I hope.

 

I read over all of my journals -- more like skimmed, but the fact remains -- and it’s hard for me to believe that this is reality. That this is something that a kid has to do just to stay alive. And that this might not go away for a long time.

There’s been a lot of traffic around and it’s making me more than a little nervous, so I’ll probably be heading off to another town soon.

I’d forgotten what being on the run felt like. There’s always the fear of being caught, but when you’re on the move, it’s different. It’s a rush.

A rush I’ve found I strangely enjoy, even when cars pass by and I see someone looking at me. Even when cops drive by on patrols, plenty of them juvies. Even when I got strange looks, sitting in a car scribbling away in a composition notebook in some parking lot, rather than inside. It’s a feeling I’ve grown accustomed to, and that I’d gladly welcome if I didn’t have to be in danger to feel it.

 

I stumbled upon an AWOL just now. He’s skittish as all hell, sitting in the passenger seat and fidgeting with everything.

His name is Jae Westervelt, and he looks no more than fifteen. It’s disheartening to see someone so young running from unwinding.

“I can drive.” I’ve looked up at him, and he’s watching me intently. His hands have stilled, and he gestures to the steering wheel. “If you wanted, I could drive, and you could keep writing.” I can’t help raising my eyebrow at him. “I don’t have a license, but we’re not gonna get arrested if we get pulled over, right? They’ll just ship us off to a harvest camp.”

“With my luck, Starkey’ll find me and I’ll be stuck with the anarchists.”

Somehow, Jae and I switched seats without getting out of the car. I’m fairly certain that my lips hit his cheek on accident, but he hasn’t said anything and I’m not about to ask if I unintentionally kissed him.

The car’s rather noisy engine is white noise in the background as Jae drives; he’s actually a lot better than I am. We’ve been on the interstate for a while now; passed a couple of towns. I think we’ll need to stop and get food soon. Definitely water.

“Jae.” He hums in answer. “When we stumble upon another town, we should probably stock up on food and water.”

“You sure?” He’s so much more calm now. “We don’t wanna be found out.”

“I’m not suggesting stealing.” He sighs in relief. “Yet. I’ll have to jack some money from someone eventually, cause I only have about $50 on me.”

“Then it’s a good thing there’s two of us, I guess.” Jae goes silent, and I do the same. The scenery on either side of the car isn’t very remarkable, but the blur as it passes could almost be called beautiful. “So you’re a stork,” Jae says out of the blue. He’d turned the radio down, which had been playing some band from all the way back in the 90s. Apparently they were incredibly popular. I think I like them, but I would have to hear more.

“Right you are.” His knuckles whiten on the steering wheel, and I wonder what has him so afraid.

“You don’t...Don’t agree with the Stork Brigade, do you?” Oh. That’s why. I can understand where he’s coming from; Mason Starkey and his ragtag bunch of creeps have me terrified, and I technically belong to the group just be default.

“Oh hell no. I mean, where he’s coming from is understandable for me, because I was sent for unwinding by people I’d never once disobeyed and tried my best to make happy. But his means of ‘liberation’ are so disconnected from reality; they’re just causing more storks to get unwound.”

“Oh.”

“Some storks do know the difference between a hero and a terrorist; I’m one of them.”

“What about the others?”

“They’re disaffected and so desperate for someone to look up to that’s like them that they’ll take anyone, completely disregarding what they’ve done. And continue to do.”

“I see…”

 

Jae hasn’t spoken for a while, but I don’t think either of us are bothered by the silence. Not that there is much, with the engine and the radio.

The band from before came back on; the same song even. The DJ, or whatever, said their band name is Nirvana. That all the members are dead now. That’s to be expected, I think, considering when their reign over the music world had been.

Still kinda sad, though. I think I’d have liked the singer; maybe we’d have understood each other.

We’ve stopped in a small town; Jae said he’d get supplies on his own. Said that if he didn’t come back in an hour to get out as fast as I could. He’s a good kid, really. I can’t see why his parents wouldn’t want him.

This town is...Clean. Scarily clean. I haven’t seen anyone up close, but I don’t need to. Everyone and everything here is well taken care of. I’ve been on the run long enough to know not to trust it’s pristine appearance.

The general store is -- I think -- supposed to look old-fashioned. I think it just looks ridiculous, much like the rest of this place.

And there’s Jae! Good to know he’s alright. But he’s got a man with him. There should be a baseball bat in the back seat; I made sure to stick one back there.

I’ve got the bat, and Jae’s only getting closer. He’s chatting very animatedly with this stranger, and it seems out of place. This could mean the man’s trustworthy. It could also mean he’s forcing him.

“Lexius!” he calls over. I’ve tucked the baseball bat into the legroom of the passenger seat just in case it’s needed. “C’mere!”

Against my better judgement, I’ve gotten out of the car. Jae set the bags in the backseat, and now we’re stood in a little cluster by the car’s trunk. I can feel the weight of this man’s stare on me, and it’s making my hand shake. As if my writing hadn’t been messy enough, with how fast I’ve been going.

“This is Aster,” Jae introduces. At the very least, he doesn’t sound strained or forced. That’s the only good thing about this situation. “And this is Alexius.”

“We both have quite...Odd names for men, then.” Aster’s voice is smooth and even. Beautiful. But chilling.

“Right you are.”

“You don’t seem to meet people’s eyes when speaking with them.” He’s stepped closer, and the gravity of his presence is stealing my breath away. I tuck the notebook closer to my chest so he can’t read what I’m writing.

“Keen eyes.” There’s an underlying venom in my words, which I didn’t intend for. A hand has rested on my shoulder, and I feel myself looking up at him.

“Sharp tongue.” His eyes are shade of clay-rich soil, burning bright like the sun and twinkling with the gold of long-forgotten treasure.

If the AWOL at Sonia’s had been magical, then Aster would be godly.

“Aster wants to leave this town,” Jae says from beside my shoulder. I can’t tell if he sounds jealous or uneasy.

My tongue’s working through the syllables before I can stop myself, and the words spill out. “Feel free to join us.” Aster’s lips curve into an attractive smile, and I wonder for a brief moment if his kiss would be godly too.

The car door opens behind me, and Jae exclaims, “Well come on!” Aster’s hand falls from my arm, leaving behind the pleasant tingle of contact. The passenger side door is tugged open, and he gestures for me to enter.

I blindly listened, taken out of the trance of his existence when my leg hit the baseball bat. He’s very formally seated in the back, and I’m not sure if my mind is lying to me or not when it says he’s watching me.

I hope that this man isn’t going to do something that would betray the trust Jae had put in him, but I guess I’ll have to wait to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Laugh, laugh, laugh Hayden, because if you ever stop laughing, it might just tear you apart._
> 
>  
> 
> For those who don't know, I'm very gay. And I write lots of gay things.
> 
> Fun fact: Jae's actually a character from a fic for the Tunnels series by Roderick Gordon that I scrapped.


	3. Entry III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING: IMPLIED AND/OR REFERENCED SEX AND USE OF THE F SLUR.**   
>  **The two characters who have sex are 16 and 20. In the state of Ohio, which is the rough location of this chapter, the age of consent is 16.**
> 
>  
> 
> Taking part in a romance when running from the police and the Stork Brigade is not recommended, but that has never stopped Alexius before, and it hasn't now. There's something magnetic about Aster that makes him want to be so much more than partners-in-crime. Aster Myranda Bissex is so magnetic, in fact, that Alexius is willing to put himself on the chopping block to save him. But he also saved Jae. At least for now.

Aster is one unnerving man. His presence alone was enough to have me self-conscious, but the constant weight of his gaze only made it worse.

When we stopped for the night, I was almost afraid of him. I’d been lectured enough times to be careful around people you don’t know to have the good sense to keep the baseball bat near me.

Jae fell asleep quickly, and I can’t say I blame the kid. He’s been driving practically all day -- and every time we had to stop, he offered to be the one to do whatever we’d stopped for. His soft breathing eased my nerves, until Aster spoke up from the backseat.

“If you don’t mind, I’d very much like to speak with you,” he’d whispered. I remember looking back at him and getting entranced again. Somehow I’d moved into the backseat.

We talked about anything and everything; I remember him saying that he was twenty. That he’d been kicked out of the house, for a reason he wouldn’t divulge, but he still had access to his family’s fortune.

I remember telling him about the Doriens, and about their son, and Anthony from Sonia’s. He’d looked so...Sick when I told him what had happened to me. His every move after that had been slow and hesitant, like he was asking for permission.

I’d ended up in his lap. His lips ended up one mine.

In the span of less than a week, I’d kissed more men than I’d ever even dated. Not that zero was a hard number to beat. But the point remains.

Aster fell asleep a little while ago, but I’m still not tired. So I wrote all of this down; maybe I’ll look back on it with fond memories.

Or maybe I’ll just need a reminder that there are still people out there who aren’t disgusted by me.

 

Jae’s got the most high-pitched squeal I’ve ever heard. I just wish it hadn’t woken me up quite brutally.

Apparently he thought Aster and I were cute. I think we’re a perfect example of desperate and gay, but that’s just my two cents.

Aster has the mouth of a god.

We’re on the road again, though I’m still sat with Aster. We’ve been chatting on and off, often times with Jae.

“Hey Lex.” I can see Jae looking at me through the rearview mirror, and I nod for him to continue. “You mentioned that Radio Free Hayden’s back up, didn’t you?”

The mention of Hayden Upchurch’s name is enough to make me freeze up, and I can feel the blood rushing to my face. It was never a secret that I thought highly of him, but it had only really been recently that I’d started noticing that I felt a lot more than just respect for him...Even though we’ve never met.

“It’s coming out as a podcast, though from what I understand, it gets deleted by the government or something not too long after it goes up.” God, the shakiness in my voice -- and my writing -- is so obvious. “He’s probably using a fake IP, otherwise they’d have gotten to him by now. And you know they’d let everyone know if they did.”

Aster’s arm around my waist is an anchor that I didn’t realize I needed. The light voice at my ear makes me jump, but the words help ease my newfound panic.

“He managed to keep hidden for this long, I’d expect him to be able to hide out until the end of time...Or until he’s no longer a criminal.”

Jae suddenly slams a hand into the steering wheel and curses.

“We forgot to stop for gas.”

Sitting up a bit, I can see the gas gauge just enough to know that his frustration is justified.

“But I don’t want to have to go pickpocketing to pay for it either.”

Aster chuckles behind me -- the vibration of it in his chest feels nice -- and says, “There won’t be any need. I’ve joined your little party, and I’m sure that I’ll be able to cover this tank and many more to come.” Jae hastily tries to turn it down, but we all know that he’s only doing it because he feels he needs to.

Upon some miracle we found a gas station not too far from where we’d realized our dilemma, and Aster’s gone in to pay up front. His face isn’t on a list of wanted criminals, after all. And he looks much more trustworthy than Jae and I combined. Also he has the money. So there’s that too.

The second Aster is back in sight, Jae fills the tank. Once he’s back in the car, he’ll be seated behind me again. I never thought I’d say that I enjoy being held, but here I am, writing it down for anyone to see.

I wonder what Aster’s full name is.

He’s back now; I like leaning into his chest. He’s a stable presence, something I haven’t really had since I took off.

“My full name?” he hums. I guess he’s reading what I’ve written. “Aster Myranda Bissex. And yes, I’m reading your journal. I will stop if you want me to.”

“Bissex? As in...As in the Bissex Realty, Midwestern kings of the housing market?”

“The very same.”

“No wonder they didn’t cut you from the fortune; they’ve got money pouring in to replace anything you use in a day.” It took me a while to realize that I’d stopped writing for a moment there; catching up is always such a nightmare.

“Who’s gonna take over the company, then? I mean, you’re gone,” Jae called in through the open window. Aster shrugged.

“Perhaps my parents will force out a second child. Or maybe the company will go to my cousins. But I don’t really care what they do, as long as I can depend on their bank accounts until I’m on my own feet. Properly.” I can feel the anger burning in the pit of his stomach against my back. I wonder what they did to him.

 

We drove until nightfall. Now it’s dark and eerie. Very atmospheric, really. It’s quite nice out here; I’d love to come out to this part of the country once things have calmed down in my life.

If I ever get to that point in my life, that is.

I don’t know how Jae did it, but he found an alcove of trees with a hammock still hung up. He was so excited that he decided to sleep in it.

I don’t know why he’s so comfortable sleeping out in the open like that. I think he’s doing it so that Aster and I would have a bit more time to get away. But I’m scared that something will actually happen, and that sacrifice won’t do what he’s hoping.

But it does leave Aster and I alone in the car. It gives us much more freedom. If we want it, that is.

To be honest, I’ve never wanted something with a person I’ve actually met until now. The thought of being able to be with Aster makes me smile.

I feel like this is the only place where I can be honest about how I’m feeling right now.

It’s something I’ve never felt.

I want to kiss him again. But I want to be able to truly kiss him. More than I was able to before. More than I could with Magic Boy at Sonia’s. And I want to run my fingers down his skin.

I want to be with him in the closest way he would want to be.

If it were to result in sex, I...I’m certain that I would be fine with it.

 

I will spare any major details because I am not comfortable with documenting such terminology, but the lengths Aster and I went to last night were...Quite far.

I’m surprised Jae didn’t wake up during our...Activities. I tried to remain quiet, but there’s only so much control you have over that. Plus the car wasn’t exactly silent either.

But it was nice. So nice. It feels strange to describe sex that way, but...It was. Even if I accidentally moaned Hayden a few times. And even if Aster’s four years older than me.

I enjoyed my time with him. And I hope that I can continue to have time with him, but for more than just sex in the backseat of a car.

 

Fuck. fcuK. FUCK. Mason Starkey has found us. I don’t know how, but he has. I saw him, very briefly, in the parking lot of a convenience store we stopped at for a bathroom break. 

He’d smiled at me all knowingly, batting his lashes like he’s some angel but he fucking ISN’T.

ANd he’s tailing us. I know he is, somewhere, he’s got eyes on us and he knows that I’m a stork and he’s gonna force me to join him.

He’s gonna take me away from Aster and Jae, might even hurt them.

Connor’s sacrifice of a vehicle will be for naught.

But there’s nothing we cAN DO BECAUSE HE HAS HIS SIGHTS ON U

 

Apparently I had started to cry during my freak out before. Aster’s forced my hand to still, and brushed my tears away, and kissed me, and...I wanted him so badly then, but Jae was driving, and sex isn’t a healthy way to cope with emotions.

But if I’m gonna get pulled away from him, I want to be with him at least a second time.

How do I feel so strongly after such little time?

“If he’s really after us,” Jae says suddenly from behind the wheel. “It might be best to stop the car suddenly and run for it. It’s not like he’s gonna rat us out to the Juvies, because then they’d get ahold of him. And we can always regroup after we’ve lost them.”

“But is Starkey the type to give up?” Aster sounds genuinely curious, and that makes my heart pang.

“If he thinks a stork is in a bad situation, he’ll hunt them down to the ends of the Earth. Even if they don’t want to join him.”

 

We stopped like Jae suggested. We all split up, but Aster and I found each other again. I’m almost ashamed to admit that we wasted time just to have sex again.

I thought of Hayden even more that time, and I’m disgusted with myself. There’s a man interested in me, that I’m interested in, and all I can think of is, for lack of a better term, my celebrity crush.

Aster doesn’t deserve that.

 

FUCK FUCK FUC KFU CKFCK

HE GOT US, HE ACTUALLY GOT US AND HE’S THREATENING TO KILL ASTER, AND JAE IS CRYING AND I THINK I AM TOO

“Aster Myranda Bissex, huh? The only legitimate child in the family.” Starkey sounds so disgusted and angry and I don’t understand why. “Isn’t it true that your parents have received many a stork baby before? Prior to your birth and after?”

“I-- Yes, but--” There is actual fear in the eyes of a god and there is nothing more terrifying than seeing a being you thought infallible and steady crumble into nothingness.

“And is it also true that they have unwound every single one of them?”

“That too is true, but--” Bile just rose up in my throat, and I made eye contact with Aster. He looks just as sick as I feel.

“Yet a stork so readily stays by your side.” Starkey has turned his heated eyes towards me. Me, with my trembling shoulders. Me, with my scribbling hands. Me, with saline dripping from my eyes and onto this page. Me, the stork who he’s hunted down. “A stork who readily sleeps with you.” I can’t tell if Jae’s gasp was surprise or disgust, but I don’t care. I just want Starkey gone. I want to travel with Aster until I’m safe. “I should kill you all for that, not even spare little Alexius here. But I won’t.”

“I’ll go with you without resistance if you leave them -- especially Aster -- alone.” My mouth and my hand work much faster than my brain, so I’ll be reeling once this all truly processes.

Starkey’s smirk is so fucking big I can feel it in my skin and in my soul. It makes me want to vomit.

“But then who will you fuck?” He spits the question at me, and I’m not sure why he’s so disgusted by it. I’m telling myself it’s because Aster’s a Bissex, and not that I’m gay or that I’m trans. “Bam, take these two back to their car. I’ll take Alexius here back.”

Aster scrambles up to me.

“They kicked me out because I disapproved of their treatment of storks and because I was gay. Trust me, you aren’t disgusting to me. You’re--”

“BAM!” She rips him away with what looks almost like an apology on her face.

Starkey sets a hand on me.

“What have we here?” Even as his hands clench onto this journal, I still write. He’s taken away Jae, my first true friend in ages, and Aster, the second person to not be disgusted. He won’t take this away from me. “Well, at least Hayden will have a little faggot-y pal now. I bet you he’ll be ecstatic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Laugh, laugh, laugh Hayden, because if you ever stop laughing, it might tear you apart._
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> So I got gay and made Aster/Alexius canon and even more gay. I'm sorry. They're relationship isn't meant to be illegal/that dangerous power dynamic that you find in age differences usually. Just supposed to be two queers getting together because they're both trying to escape something.
> 
> I apologize if they make you uncomfortable in any way.


	4. Entry IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmers of something good can be found even in the vilest of situations, if you're willing to look. But looking can be hard when you're reluctant to let the good happen. Guilt is powerful and all-consuming sometimes. Alexius lost a man who he genuinely loved -- perhaps not fully, but he still loved him -- and a friend he cared for. To jump into something new so soon would be a betrayal. But Hayden is too tempting: he's exactly what Alexius needs.

I hate Mason Michael Starkey with all of me being. He's ruined storks, making us look like terrorists. But that isn't what gets under my skin. It's that he tore me away from the two people I thought I understood. I don't know if I'll ever see Jae again; he could get unwound at any time. But it's Aster I miss the most.

I’d gotten too attached to the feel of him in the short time I’d known him.

I should be disappointed in myself.

I am, somewhat.

Starkey wasted no time at all in asserting his dominance. As if I’ll ever view him as anything but a disgusting, loathsome individual who deserves the death he so readily hands out to people he deems unworthy of life.

“You know, it isn’t polite to refuse to meet people’s eyes when they talk,” he drawls from the front seat of the vehicle we’re crammed in. I catch the scoff a second before it comes out. I don’t want to have to meet the eyes of the man I want to kill, but I have to. They’re so cold and pointed. I’d be scared if I didn’t hate him so much. “There we go.”

“What do you want me for?” I spit, looking down to the page. I can feel the tension build back up, especially when Starkey looks to Bam for some backup. She is apparently acting like she isn’t noticing.

“I want you in the Stork Brigade. You’re such a good recorder; you’d be helpful,” he says after a moment, though he pushes the compliment through gritted teeth. “Plus I’ve got to do something to keep Hayden from being a rebellious little shit who doesn’t know his place. An avid fan who’d do anything for him might do the trick.”

“You want me to be his personal slut?” My word choice is apparently funny, and I can’t keep my head ducked. When I look up, Starkey’s grinning and almost laughing.

“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t enjoy it! You fucked a Bissex, one of the biggest enemies to storks!” He apparently doesn’t have a seatbelt on, seeing how far he’s leaned into the backseat. “Screwing your idol would be a dream come true.”

Scowling his way, I force my eyes back to the page. His hand suddenly appears and he’s trying to tear the journal away again.

“I bet you’ve written about what you want him to do to you in there. I bet you wrote about you and that Bissed bastard too.” His anger is too hot for him to be upset with my resistance.

“Are you jealous of Aster?” His grip loosened enough for me to get my journal pressed to my chest. I’m barely able to write with such little space.

“What is there to be jealous of?”

I barely kept myself from breaking his nose.

 

Wherever the hell we are, it hasn’t seen occupancy for quite a while. That’s probably why they chose this place, though.

Bam was put in charge of giving me the tour; I think Starkey doesn’t want any of his precious storks to see one of their own so clearly disgusted by him. It would hurt all that reputation he tried so hard to build up, after all.

Bam’s the most tolerable person here. She’s not shoved up his ass. Sure, she does what she’s told, but she thinks for herself. She isn’t a thoughtless idiot.

She told me that I’ll meet Hayden at the end. I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t start racing at the thought. I’d wanted to long to meet him.

Of course I’d meet him in these circumstances.

I know all of these places are registering just fine, but I’m barely paying attention to Bam at all. Kids watch us pass with curious eyes. For Bam’s sake, I don’t glare at them or flip them off. (The urge to is strong, though.)

“There’s only one place left,” she announces. I have no clue what she’s left out of this tour so far; I already saw the “computer lab.” Where else could Hayden be?

“What would that be?” I can’t help but ask.

“The pantry.”

The pantry? Hayden Upchurch, host of a radio show and near-genius with computers, is in the pantry? There’s no way they put him on food duty. There’s just no way.

Yet, as we approach, I know that they did. I have to know the story behind it, but I won’t ask until I’m alone with him.

I’ll be alone with Hayden Upchurch.

I think I just realized that I never knew what he looked like. I can tell he’s tall and skinny so far. I think he had braces way back when.

Oh dear god I’m at the doorway and he’s right there.

“Upchurch,” Bam says, getting his attention. With a lovely smile, he turns and places a hand on his hip.

“Yes?” he asks smoothly. When I glanced up at him he’d been looking at me. That smile is so sweet.

“Meet Alexius. He’s gonna be recorder for Starkey.” Hayden’s pale and blonde. He’s almost the exact opposite of Aster, but I get the same godly vibe from him. But where Aster had been classy and sultry, Hayden’s wild and erotic.

I’d imagined this moment thousands of times and yet I’m still at a loss for words.

“Well hello.” He appears to have said that twice, and a hand is extended. I took it without thinking; his hands were warm and slightly dry. His smile has changed. “So why’s he here with me if he’s not on food duty?”

“Starkey thought you could use a friend.” Hayden laughs at that. His laugh is like a blast from the past. He laughed at his own jokes all the time on air; that’s why I loved his show so much. He was just as fun as he was serious.

I miss Radio Free Hayden.

“He’s trying to hook me up, is he? Well, tell him I appreciate it. At least he chose someone who’s cute.” Bam snorts and waves her hand, leaving us. Leaning against a shelf, Hayden turns to me. “You’re not just Starkey’s attempt at getting me off to...Well, me. I’d like to actually get to know you.”

“I’d like that too.” I can hear his smile in his happy laugh. Clapping his hands together, I notice he’s staring at my journal.

“Let me have a look?” he asks, though he’s not demanding in any way. Even though I’m embarrassed just slightly by my blatant admiration of him written down, I let him. Because I trust Hayden Upchurch.

 

Hayden apparently loves teasing people. He’d been considerate enough to keep from talking about Aster or Jae, but he wouldn’t let up on my thinking he’s attractive.

“Y’know, we could have a really good time together right here, right now,” he purrs. We’re still in the pantry, but he’s finished his job so we’re just lounging around. Just like I’d been sat against Aster’s chest, Hayden holds me to his. His breath on my ear makes my body shiver, making my handwriting a bit shaky.

“And do what, Mr. Upchurch?” There’s something in my voice that I don’t like. I should still be reeling over losing Aster.

“Mmm,” he hums, resting his forehead on the back of my neck. “Fool around.” I can’t help but laugh, and he laughs too.

“Oh I’d be delighted to, but…”

“I know.” His smile is small and light. “Take your time to grieve. But knowing you’re attracted to me so badly makes me hope something could eventually result.”

“Something could start now. I’m just...Not ready for--”

“And that’s okay.” After a moment, he asks, “May I?” I nod, and he kisses the nape of my neck.

Even if this is all because he’s lonely...I’m okay with it.

 

Bam and I have spent a little bit of time together. Now is a perfect example.

We’ve both been silent; talking was never the reason we hung out.

“Alex,” she says suddenly, looking over to me. “Don’t let Starkey get under your skin, especially about the Bissex guy and that kid. I made sure they’d be hidden from him if he tried to go after them after getting you on board.”

The amount of gratitude I feel can’t be described in my thank you.

“He’s intrigued by you.”

“Well duh. Barely anybody back talks Starkey. He’s not used to being treated mortal.”

“Not Starkey,” Bam says, the hint of a laugh in her voice. “Hayden. He told me that he read your journal -- he didn’t tell me what was in it -- and he just...Seems to talk about you a lot. Figured you might want to know.”

“Well, thanks.”

“How long have you been in love with him?” I knew that it was obvious how much I looked up to him. Didn’t think people would realize I loved him though.

“Since I caught my first episode of Radio Free Hayden.” Bam hums at that.

“I was at the Graveyard when he first started it up.” That’s right. They’d all been at that airplane graveyard together.

Shit.

“What about…” I can tell she’s asking about Aster.

“I barely knew him, honestly. But he was genuine and sweet and...Felt like a god. There was a boy at the safehouse I’d been at just before all this that had been the same way...I like my men godly, I guess.” Bam laughs at that -- fully, genuinely laughs -- and lightly punches my shoulder. “You’re in love with Starkey, right? How?”

“You might not believe me,” she says carefully, “but he’s a charmer.” I think I struck a chord, because the tone of our conversation shifted dramatically.

“Too bad he’s a dick.”

“Yeah...Too bad.”

 

HAYDEN UPCHURCH IS LIKE THE LOVECHILD OF ASTER AND MAGIC BOY FROM SONIA’S.

That probably doesn’t make sense, but--

Aster was godly and amazing, this I have stated plentifully. And magic boy had magical abilities over my body.

Imagine a god with magic who knows every way to make your skin tingle in pleasure.

That’s Hayden Upchurch.

Starkey’s hope of me becoming Hayden’s personal slut hasn’t been fully realized, but at this rate, it will be.

Because of how utterly unique the feeling of him -- his presence and attitude, not body -- he’s somehow made me stop feeling guilty.

It feels like I have the magic boy who taught me I can be found attractive and Aster, who taught me how love feels, all in one.

My luck is such a fickle thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Laugh, laugh, laugh Hayden, because if you ever stop laughing, it might just tear you apart._
> 
>  
> 
> HOLY HELL writing this took forever. I wrote the first paragraph while waiting to go home one day and then binge wrote the rest just now.
> 
> I'm trying to be good with romantic development, but at the same time, this scenario doesn't necessarily lend itself to something that takes time very well.
> 
> Thanks for being patient with my slow ass! I hope this isn't a disappointment.


	5. Entry V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sit back and observe. The absolute worst position to be in when there's a conflict, but also the easiest to get stick in. Alexius may have Hayden at his side and the tentative friendship of Bam, but he's still stuck with a terrorist organization he despises yet cannot fight against. Even as things begin to look up in terms of the fight against unwinding, there's still so much that needs to be done.

So I’ve somehow found myself privy to some very sensitive, need-to-know-basis information. I’m not entirely sure why. All I know is that those involved felt they could trust me, despite my short time with the Stork Brigade, and it feels...Nice to be included.

I’ve also found myself sleeping with Hayden. In the literal sense. We share a bed at night and sleep. There haven’t been any attempts to go further. (Though whether I’m relieved or disappointed in that development is still a bit muddy.) I’ve never been a fan of excessive heat, and body heat is often times too warm for me. But with Hayden, it’s different. His warmth and presence are both comforting in an environment I feel less than welcome in.

I just wish he didn’t feel the constant compulsion to make a joke out of everything. I tried to talk to him about that little “issue” of his, and he brushed it off. It’s the only time I would say he’s been rude.

“Not everything is a comedy sketch, y’know,” I’d commented lightly while helping him take inventory early in the morning. “There’s no need to be a wellspring of humour 24/7.” I hadn’t been looking at him when I’d said it, too busy with my counting, but I practically heard his shoulders tensing the smallest bit.

“I don’t see the point in taking things seriously,” was his reply, terse and pointed, implying rather obviously that he wouldn’t elaborate any further. Thankfully, we’d been near done by the time I’d spoken up, because the last few minutes alone with him in the pantry where tense and made my stomach twist into knots.

There’s something deeper there, but I don’t know if I’ll ever find out what.

 

Mason Michael Starkey is insane. The storks just returned from another “liberation” -- the largest and bloodiest one yet, one of them had bragged when I saw them -- and I’ve never been more thankful that I’m useless as a fighter than I am now.

Y’see, I was left behind to hold the fort and make sure the “applause department” didn’t make a sudden call while Starkey was out.

Those hours were hell.

I knew exactly what was happening each second I was left alone: guns firing, blood spilling, screams everywhere, havoc declared as righteous retribution being enacted on everyone and everything deemed unworthy by the Stork God himself. And there was nothing I could do to stop it, so instead I paced the length of the factory once and then once more. And I thought of Jae, probably terrified like he was when I’d first met him. I hope that Aster is still with him, so that there’s someone making sure he’s safe and provided for.

 

Good god, the bragging makes me sick. There are plenty of storks who’ve been scared straight by this last invasion, but for each one of them there’s also a stork who’s certainty in the “cause” has been bolstered. Unfortunately, those kids are also some of the most vocal in this rapidly growing, heavily dysfunctional family.

Some of them are simply proud of what was accomplished: I can handle their boasts. But those who talk of their killing like it’s the most just action ever carried out...It’s as frustrating as sitting through history classes and hearing about the Crusades and the Holocaust and every other war and genocide that’s ever happened. Those who took part were always proud of themselves, no matter whether they were on the right or wrong side. And then there’s always the kids who agree with the bad guys: the kids who’d grow up to be neo-Nazis when you weren’t looking, the kids who make up every single hate-fueled group to ever exist.

The ones who would kill to take my life.

Starkey is also revelling in this supposed victory of his. I can tell there’s some disappointment lurking underneath his skin, though. Perhaps Bam stood up to him again; if she did, I applaud her tenfold. Or maybe some of the newbies didn’t act as up to snuff as he’d hoped. There’s a number of things that could tarnish his mood, but none of them are strong enough to bring him crashing down.

 

_Radio Free Hayden_ is indeed back in business, as I had been led to believe back at Sonia’s. Hayden told me all about his plans for it, most of which I’m not at liberty to put on paper yet.

Most of what I know now isn’t really allowed to be written down.

Why do people think I’m such a good keeper of secrets, anyway? I write nearly everything down, keeping the most distinct details of my life on record for someone to stumble across eventually.

The journals I’d started off with are somewhere near home. Aster and I had made a pact that we would compile all my writing someday and publish a manifesto about being an AWOL and a stork. Maybe he went to get those original journals of mine.

I hope tonight goes smoothly.

 

I never gave enough credit to Camus Comprix, but that boy has been busy rotting Proactive Citizenry’s guts from the inside for quite some time. I respect that.

Bam and Jeevan -- that’s Hayden’s tech friend’s name, right? -- are back. Mission successful. And Hayden and I are safe too.

But for all the good news I’ve recently come across, something deeply depressing has also reached me. Sonia’s antique shop burned down. I assume the AWOLs and Risa and Connor and Grace made it out, since they only found one body within the building. The body belonged to Sonia.

I didn’t expect to mourn her so strongly, and yet every time I remember that she died I feel tears bubbling up. I still haven’t told Hayden what happened.

I need to talk to him.

 

Hayden and I had an argument just now.

I found him in the pantry, doing nothing and just...Sitting. I could tell just by his body language that he’d found out about Sonia somehow.

“So you know now, huh?” I asked quietly, coming in behind him and leaning against a shelf. My journal and pen were tucked under my arm, out of habit, but I didn’t notice them until just moments ago.

“How did it happen, do you know?” I shook my head and shrugged, the sound of my shoulder against the metal shelf telling him my answer. “Did the AWOLs get out?”

“They must’ve.” Without looking at me, Hayden patted the space next to him and held open an arm. Continuing on, I sat next to him: “Only one body was found, and it was--” I couldn’t get my voice out. “Connor and Risa had been there when I left; they were probably still there when it happened.”

“History loves to repeat itself, eh?” Hayden said lightly. “Too bad I’m stuck here. Then it’d really be a repeat.” His arm settled around my shoulders, fingers pressing into the flesh of my bicep. His suddenly careless tone made me tense up.

“Why is everything always so joking and impermanent with you?” I’d meant to only think it, but the thought dragged it’s way up my throat without warning. “Do you have any emotion at all?”

His fingers dug into my arm, though it was obviously a reflex rather than a move to hurt me.

“Just because I don’t react the way you think I should doesn’t mean I’m a sociopath. I just handle things diff--”

“No!” I’ve never been one to interrupt people I cared about, but concern and guilt weighed too heavily on my shoulders in the moment. “You don’t handle things. You brush them off and make flippant remarks!”

Suddenly he got up. Hayden Upchurch is taller than me when we stand side by side. He was even taller when I sat on the concrete, and he towered above.

“I lived most of my life listening to my parents bicker and bicker and bicker until they hated each other so much they couldn’t live together anymore, not even for my sake. And when they couldn’t agree on custody? They decided to unwind me.” He wasn’t looking at me. His voice was steel, cutting through me easily. “Excuse me for shying away from feeling and showing pain. Excuse me for padding myself with humour.” And with that, he was gone.

In that moment, I understood Hayden Upchurch more clearly than I’d ever imagined. His humour wasn’t motivated by a need to be the class clown or center of attention. It was a way to make the dredgings of life around him tolerable enough that he didn’t want to unwind himself.

Humour was coping.

Just like writing is coping.

I’ve told myself that, as long as I leave behind a record of my life and how awful being an AWOL was, that it didn’t matter how I died. Someone would read my story and know the experience.

But Hayden had to tell himself that everything was always fine, that life was one big joke. Because the reality was worse. Degrees of separation kept him sane this entire time.

And I very well could have just torn down all of his progress.

 

Starkey’s been missing for a while: the plan went well.

The Stork Brigade, as it existed under him, no longer exists.

A new chapter is opening up, and despite everything, I’m right at Hayden’s side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Laugh, laugh, laugh Hayden, because if you ever stop laughing, it might just tear you apart._
> 
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> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I finally read _UnDivided_ !!! Meaning I know exactly what the hell is going on. There's one chapter to go. I hope this has been worth your time.


	6. Entry VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to an end: some endings are refreshing, others bittersweet. But they are all necessary.

If it wasn’t clear where I am now that the Stork Brigade has dissolved, _Radio Free Hayden_ has hit the road, and I’ve been with them. We haven’t been able to remain in one place for too long due to the nature of the broadcasting -- hijacking radio stations for an episode, running off the second we hear the police in the distance -- so we’re even more wanted than before.

But every once in a while we’re able to stop and rest for longer than usual. Take, for example, the midwestern town we’re in right now.

We’re somewhere in Kansas, and while this town is unremarkable, there are some very expensive-looking houses around.

Probably because this is the headquarters of the Bissex real estate empire, and image is of the utmost importance.

To think I’m sitting in the same town that Aster’s parents live makes my skin crawl. They raise storks for thirteen years just to unwind them. They kicked their only child out for being gay and disagreeing with them, and they didn’t care that they had to produce another heir.

They make me sick.

 

We’ve stayed in this town longer than anywhere else because absolutely no one recognizes us. Hayden, the most wanted of us all, has remained out of sight, but not a soul has figured out that we’re AWOLs. Because of this, I’ve been able to go into grocery stores and even fast food places with significantly less worry of getting caught.

Of course, this means that my chances of meeting Mr. and Mrs. Bissex increased.

With my luck, I met Aster’s mother after Hayden had sent me to get food for everybody. (I’m not a famous AWOL, and my time with the Stork Brigade has made me lose my nervousness. One of the few good things to come of it.) I was carrying multiple bags of food and a cup holder, probably looking a mess, when I saw her.

I recognized her easily: Aster must take after her more than his father. She looked expensive. And absolutely inhuman. Mrs. Bissex barely spared me a glance, but something about it made me come to a realization.

I had to find Aster.

 

When I got back to the hotel, Hayden could tell something was on my mind. Over chicken nuggets, fries, and soda I told him about Aster. Everything. (Even the details I wouldn’t write in my journal.)

I asked if we could make our way in the direction of Washington D.C. for the rally Hayden had been organizing via podcast and broadcast. To my own surprise, he agreed. I know that I’m putting us all at risk, since the Juvenile Authority will expect Hayden to be there, but I also know that Aster will be there, and I have to find him.

…

I don’t deserve Hayden Upchurch.

 

We haven’t been making nearly as many stops on the way back east as we were before, even though we’ve taken a different route. With the rally so close, though, Hayden doesn’t need to be telling people about it anymore. Everyone knows when and where to meet, and if they can’t make it to the capital, to rally in their own state.

On the return to the east, however, quite a lot has happened.

I can’t tell if Hayden is jealous of Aster, intrigued by the relationship I’d had with him, or doesn’t care. Or all three. He’s never been easy to read, and I’ve never been good at reading people.

I do know, however, that sleeping in the same bed as him is different now.

Let’s just say that we had some fun in the back seat of the van one night, and that wasn’t an isolated experience.

I don’t feel guilty, though, which is odd. Getting close to Hayden, and just kissing him, had felt like betrayal to Aster, and yet...I can have sex with him and not feel horrible.

I have also recently turned seventeen which means Cap-17 is in action, and I can’t be unwound! This has made getting hotel rooms, food, and other necessities ten times easier.

It also means that, in even more states than before, I am over the age of consent. Sexual encounters with Aster wouldn’t be nearly as sketchy now. Neither are my...frequent...hook ups with Hayden.

And that leads me to the most interesting part: The Conversation.

Hayden had asked me what would happen when I met back up with Aster. In fact, he’d said, “Once you’re back with Aster, what happens to us? Is it over? Or are you not getting back with him?” I had been wondering the same thing for a while, but my proposition wasn’t one I was sure I knew his reaction to. My thought was to, well, be with them both. I think the term is polyamory?

“What if I said that...I wanted to be in relationships with both you and Aster?” Even if he was shocked, he didn’t show it and immediately went into a threesome joke. “Hayden, I’m serious. My relationship with you is stronger, but I had something with Aster too. I would like to see if both would work, if you are okay with that.”

With a smile, he wrapped his arm around me and said, “If it will make you happy, I’ll give it a shot. Plus, if he’s as hot as you say he is, I may be interested in getting in on a bit of that action.”

Lightly elbowing him in the side, I couldn’t help but laugh. I hadn’t killed all of his progress in coping after all.

 

We just had an incredibly close run in with the police. We hadn’t even done anything, but apparently they received a tip about a van full of teenagers -- that would be us -- and that we were most likely AWOLs. As the non-AWOL and non-wanted criminal, I was the one who spoke to the officers when they came to the window.

I’m not going to lie: I saw a small rainbow pin on his shirt and began flirting with him in hopes of distracting him enough to get away. It worked, somewhat, until his partner came up and smacked him upside the head. She then demanded to see my license, and that was the exact moment I laughed nervously before firing the ignition and hightailing it.

The officers had followed us at first, but it seems something else had come up, and they eventually stopped chasing us.

You can believe that we switched vehicles the second we were able to, and while I know I shouldn’t be picky, I wish we weren’t driving a van that has an old cartoon reference hand-painted on the side.

 

D.C. was packed. It would be an understatement to say that I was surprised by the number of people on the mall running in front of the Washington monument. And I had to find Aster, and maybe even Jae, in that crowd.

As daunting a task as it was, I can’t help but be in awe of the turn out, even now when it’s said and done. That group of people wasn’t cut and dry: some of them had always been against unwinding, others came around because of their children’s letters, and others because of what Lev had done on Ellis Island. But Hayden brought them together.

He’s more powerful than he gives himself credit.

But he’s also a very wanted man, and he didn’t seem keen on entering the massive crowd at the rally due to all of the authorities. I stuck by him on the edges for a long time, but I couldn’t stay still when I spotted someone I knew.

Jae was present at the rally, but he looked different. He was much cleaner, better fed, and looked so...Happy. I could tell Aster had stuck with him.

And then there was the man himself. When we saw each other, I think we both had a moment of stunned disbelief. He got over it before I did, and I remember becoming aware of myself just moments before he kissed me.

It was like being reunited after years and years, and he didn’t stop kissing me until I pulled away. There were tears in his eyes.

“I’m so glad you’re safe.” His voice was choked up, but he smiled anyway. “I have your journals, and I have a publisher who’s interested in them. We just need your final entries, and then we can work on getting it all published.”

I felt my own eyes sting a bit as tears bubbled up, and I pressed my face into his shoulder. Hayden approached carefully from behind.

“Aster, yeah?” he asked quietly. I felt the nod against my shoulder. “Hayden Upchurch. I understand we both care about Alexius quite a bit.”

“So it would seem.” Aster didn’t sound cold, though he didn’t seem to be very fond of the thought either.

Knowing that the rally could turn violent at any moment, I pushed away from Aster and turned to Hayden.

“We should go somewhere less congested and quieter,” I said under my breath. He nodded and gestured for Aster and Jae to follow after us as we left the mall entirely and headed towards our hotel.

 

And all that leads to this moment: Aster, Hayden, and I are all sat in the very backseat of the van. Jae has made friends with the rest of the _Radio Free Hayden_ crew and is currently neck deep in a conversation over something I didn’t catch.

We’re heading to New York to meet with the publisher Aster lined up so we can drop off the notebooks, including this one, which is nearing its end. After that, who knows where we’ll be. All I know is that _Radio Free Hayden_ is back, and soon the world will be able to read _The Stork Manifesto_ and know what being a stork is truly like. What being an AWOL is truly like.

…

I can’t believe my life has turned out like this.

I started life unwanted and subjected to an older brother who eventually raped me. And then my family signed the unwind papers because I wasn’t their daughter. And then I lived on the run. And then I was assaulted by pedophiles on the streets.

And yet somehow I found myself two men who are attracted to me and care about me, and I have a family again.

And progress is finally being made to end unwinding.

Oh, and Starkey’s officially gone for good.

Now, don’t be fooled into thinking life has gotten easy. Until unwinding is dead for good and Hayden isn’t wanted anymore, life will never be “easy.”

It’s just gotten a lot more tolerable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Laugh, laugh, laugh Hayden, because if you ever stop laughing, it might just tear you apart._
> 
>  
> 
> Well, friends, it is over. I'm not 100% satisfied with this ending, but at the same time...It fits? Lex might write a lot of shit down in his journals, but there's gotta be stuff he would want to keep to himself. Especially since his journals are gonna become a best-selling memoir real soon, y'know?


End file.
